From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

A friend approached me today with a rather delicate scenario and asked what I would do.

The past is the past. The desire is the desire. The fact that this person has no intention of repeating the past is honorable. Yet – I sensed there was some fraction of guilt sprinkled with strong desire and a beckoning to summon strength. What an emotional burden to bear. An internal battle, a psychological impasse of sorts.

Yet, it’s really not so difficult. It’s rather simple, indeed. I did empathize with my friend. I’m talking with her, I heard a human being seeking validation to act upon her desires, or to do the right thing.

I can only give advice based on my experiences and personal values, beliefs and morals – and all of the above have been through war, yet came out winning. If there was a Purple Heart awarded for lessons learned, it would be mine.

We can’t change our past. But we can shape our future.

I am not proud of some things I’ve done, yet I don’t regret them. I would not repeat them, but wouldn’t change the past because I wouldn’t have grown in the way I have or be the person I am today.

We learn. We grow. We make better decisions. And for those who are hurt by that when they want you to be the person they knew back when – well, that’s on them. Maybe they need to look within.

Regret, and gloating, are both a waste of time. Learn, grow, and be the best person you can each day.

I walked into my parent’s home tonight when my mother presented me with a card. She asked me to read the front before I opened it – ok. I went to open it, “are you done?” to which I answered “yes,” – then opened to read the message within.

My mother broke down. I broke down. It was from my aunt. My aunt who so suddenly, and unexpectedly passed, in January. The sentiments of the card were beyond beautiful. And it was the first time my mother and I fully expressed our grief and sadness. With everything going on. With standing strong for others. We finally released our sorrow.

Sadness isn’t a strong enough word to express my grief. After my father’s brush with death, I froze. My parents just went home after living with us for five months. I entered the second bathroom to hang some laundry and broke down – it was too neat, too clean, too perfect, I hated it. I longed for that mess that was once was, though I’m so thankful that my folks have their independence back.

When my father complains, I’m quick to remind him that he’s alive – and his younger sister is not. It’s painful in a way most cannot imagine because of how we hold it together. I ache. I suffer. I mourn. We all do.

Cherish each and every day with your loved ones. Be there now. Love unconditionally. You will never regret that.

Auntie Lala – feel our love, always. We miss you more than you’ll ever know.

I expect you to call every day – 💔

Many find it difficult to comprehend how some love solitude. How we relish in a calm and quiet environment, reading and learning, puttering and working on projects. They question we can endure it, being alone, thinking it must be awful and we must all be secretly lonely. Ha! Quite contraire – most of the time.

Continue reading “When Solitude Turns Into Isolation.”

We all have boundaries. Boundaries are defined as ‘a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line.’ And for those of us who say what we mean, mean what we say, others attempt at ‘good will’ may be politely rebuked – or, in extreme cases, outwardly refused – and inwardly bothersome.

Then we’re the bad guy, right?!

Some people mean well, they truly do. They believe that despite what is said, their acts of good will are sure to please – or sure to change your mind, convincing you that what you wanted, wasn’t what you wanted. “I’m not going to listen to you. I’m going to do what I think is best for you.”

And this is a very gray area. A fuzzy line to walk. For some, that may work. For others, not so much.

But when you tell others, “I’ll be there for you, whatever and whenever you need,” trust that. Crossing that line and insisting on doing what you think is good for them, may not be good for anyone. Some people want to be heard, do know what they want, and trust that others will respect that.

It’s a tough line to walk, I know. I want to help the world, and I’ve learned the hard way that some people want to be left alone.

This is when social skills come in. This is when we’re attuned to others vs. thinking we know what’s best for them – if it’s the latter, then it’s about us. Watch, listen, and learn – then make the best decision, a decision that is good for those you think need your help – not for you and what you think is best.

I recall spending a weekend with my family out in Pennsylvania. When helping out in the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of my great-aunt glaring at my actions, a blank stare on her face. I directly asked, “What am I doing wrong? How do you want this done? Help me, help you.” Her initial reaction was shock, as I called her out on her non-verbal behavior. Then, in her next breath, “I put the butter over there.” Victory! I was then able to help her in the way that she wanted. Yet if I hadn’t been bold, the weekend may have been a disaster!

If we all just sat back and listened, then observed, so much drama in life would be eliminated. When you disregard what others say, not so good. On the flip side, few are honest. Some may appreciate the subtle takeover. But for those who are busy minding their own business while you’re minding theirs ….

Boundaries are there to be respected – not crossed.

 

The U.S. Olympic Men’s Hockey Team – what role models! These young men are testaments to humility, respect, and civility. They are winners not only because their athletic talent and prowess earned them the Gold Medal, but because of their character and integrity. They’ve genuinely expressed respect for all – no matter what political party one follows, whether they like this administration or not – while reminding us all what patriotism means.

They are the definition of patriotism.

It not only baffles, yet saddens, me that people have grown so ignorant, disrespectful, and obnoxious. If I followed the masses, I’d be convinced that Trump is responsible for anything that goes wrong in my life. Many who bash how he speaks are no more eloquent or diplomatic, and often stoop to lower forms of expression.

No country is perfect. No President is forever. We’ve stopped discussing and started bashing. We’ve stopped listening, educating, and negotiating and replaced it with projection, sound-bytes, and violence. But I am, and always will be, proud to be an American. I will stand for the Flag. I will honor and remember those who served our country.

This could be a full piece, but it’s a blog post, and it must be brief.

Thank you to these young men who are proud to be Americans – as am I. Thank you for outclassing so many with your dignified and respectful responses to those who opposed your attending the State of the Union, graciously accepting the invitation. Thank you for being role models for all ages.

I. Am. Done. Not only one full sentence, but three. As I half-tuned in to television commercials, I then found myself scratching my head.

All-natural sleep aids. GLP-1 weight loss drugs. Eczema injections. Red and green gummies to ensure vegetable consumption.

Wellness is a business. The wellness industry is capitalizing on today’s human beings wanting to feel fabulous. We want to look, feel, and believe we’re fabulous. Perfect sleep. Perfect nutrition. Perfect fitness. All about us. We can’t live fully or care for others until we are functioning at our highest. Ha!

Continue reading “The Commercialization of Wellness.”

I read something this week about messy houses and dirty floors equating to a life well lived. It may signify love, laughter and activity. Or it may mean you’re busy with other things. It’s not a sign of failure. It’s human!

I’m compulsively neat. If you saw my bedroom in high school, you’d never believe it yet today, everything has its place. Things get put away. Rooms get tidied up. And there’s no such thing as chaos. I’m usually surrounded by calm, quiet, and solitude with my fur-mate.

Continue reading “Embrace the chaos.”

A new home baker turned pro has hit the streets in my town in a newly established commercial kitchen. I’d seen some posts when cruising social media platforms and after reading her story and mission, I was sold. It took me a few weeks to place the first order, yet when I did, I utterly enjoyed the thoughtfulness it took to do so. I had to look forward and determine what the week would look like and ensure what I ordered would be savored and not go to waste. With my parents temporarily calling my place home, I knew I could order more than I would as a single home dweller. Continue reading “Shopping Local.”

In overhearing news segments from various channels, I scratched my head. What I listened to was a lot of angry people, people who want to incite others in an effort to ensure those people are as angry as they are. We hear small audio clips of some, not all, information, then go off to spread that message – and it spreads like a cancer, one that is terminal for us all.

Continue reading “What happened to us?”

There are times in life when we find ourselves running on empty. We go through the motions, rushing from task to task. We manage our commitments and tackle our responsibilities. We work tirelessly and socialize when we can, yet there is a disconnect – a numb indifference that doesn’t allow us to connect deeply or be, never mind stay, in the present.

Continue reading “Running on empty.”